Singles Events 2/26/19

By Richard E. Bleil, Ph.D.

Back in the ’80’s, a report came out stating the best day and time to go to the grocery story to meet singles. If I’m remembering correctly, it was Tuesday through Thursday, between 7 and 9. The hypothesis was that after 7 was “family time”, and, of course, singles are out on Fridays through Sundays and recovering on Mondays.

Yup, just reading this strikes me as funny.

The result of this report was a local grocery story that had “Single’s Day.” Yup, a special shopping day for those of us who are unattached. What kinds of things would be on special that day? An egg? Tiny butter packets? Packets of three slices of bacon?

I mentioned this to a friend of mine, who shared her idea of “singles air travel”. This wouldn’t be like a singles cruise, but just everyday travel. You could register when buying your ticket, and the airlines could assign seats based on your dating preference next to another single.

Great, I’d end up in the middle seat. Worse than that, no doubt the two singles in between me would hit it off instantly and flirt through me!

I thought this was a terrific idea. What woman wouldn’t want to be trapped in a seat next to a man who feels empowered by the airlines to be a lech for two hours?!?

I’m told a bookstore is a great place to meet singles. I’m guessing the cooking section might be a good choice.

Yes, at my age, we used to buy what were colloquially referred to as “cook books.” These were actually books, made from real paper, with recipes actually printed on the pages of the book. I know…freak show, right?

When you’re as old as I am, and have been single as long as I have, you collect some odd cookbooks. I kid you not, one of my cookbooks was called “Cooking for One.” It was a gift from my sister. Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis!

Another was a cookbook on how to cook entire meals in your microwave. That was when the microwave oven was only recently made commercially available (although introduced decades earlier, by 1985, less than one in four households had a microwave). And, after all, it’s not like men can use anything as complicated as a stove or an oven, so my mother thought a microwave cookbook would be a great step in me not burning down my apartment.

My mother once asked me when she could expect grandchildren from me. I said, “but mom, you have two grandchildren from my sister.” “Yes,” she replied, “but I want fresh, new ones!” I don’t know why I didn’t let it go, but I asked, “But, mom, don’t you want me to meet a woman, fall in love, get married?” I shouldn’t have asked, as she answered “At your age, I’ll take what I can get!”

You know, it’s an odd thing, but having a pocket periodic chart in your wallet doesn’t make you as popular on first dates as you’d think it should.

Here’s a hint. If you go to a shopping center and want to figure out where you can best meet women, the Women’s Room is not the place to go! Ugh, that was a tough lesson to learn.

I’ve had a lot of people suggest I should start going to church to meet women. Okay, I may not be a religious person, but even to me it feels like it might be a bit disrespectful to go to a church like it is a singles club.

Some people may disagree, but I would not recommend dance lessons to meet somebody. The women I’ve met at dance lessons were learning to dance for their wedding. Usually not a lot of potential there.

I tried to meet a woman dating kidneys, but it was a one-shot deal.

When I started working at a university, they were putting down wiring for the campus computer network. There were a lot of women there in orange t-shirts that read “DOC”. I though, hey, I’m a doctor, how can I get one of those t-shirts?

You know, my luck with women who have been incarcerated is no better. I was talking with one of the women, and thought I was doing well, but she really got upset when I asked if she was free on Friday.

Elementary schools let parents have lunch with their children. Why don’t prisons do the same? Of course, even if I went during an open lunch in a women’s penitentiary, I’d probably still end up eating alone.

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