Opinion by Richard Bleil
A friend of mine posted on her social media page something about wanting go to back to when men were gentlemen, opened car doors for their dates, and, well, so on. That’s all well and good, but I’ve been scolded multiple times for doing just that.
But that’s not the point of this piece.
See, I suggested in a comment on her post that we might begin with not letting men honk at women in the driveway just because they are too lazy to get out of the car and walk to the door. It kind of occurred to me that that might sound as if I am shifting the blame from the men to the women, but that was never my intention (and I replied to my own comment to clarify it).
The point that I was trying to make is that women are powerful. Based on my observations over the years, it seems to me that women are, in fact, far more powerful than they often realize. If women want men to get out of the car and walk to the door, then they should insist on that as a standard. If they really want men to hold the door for them, they can expect it.
Now, let’s be fair. In this day and age, this kind of behavior appears not to be the norm, so communication helps. When he asks you out, it is really okay to say “Yes, but I expect…” Or “Yes, but if you really want to impress me…” Even “Yes, but I would like…” It’s also a great way to gauge how respectful he is of your opinions and desires.
Speaking of desires, it’s probably not a bad idea to set those up early as well. If you don’t say anything, he’ll probably think that you are okay with sexual activities, at least be hoping that that is the case. Open and honest communication.
My thought just lept to, “but if she says she won’t xyz on the first date (whatever that might be), then might he be more inclined to drug her?” As a former civilian employee of a police department, I’ve seen too much not to be that paranoid. But, if you don’t trust them man not to do this, then maybe you shouldn’t be out with him in the first place, or, better still, to take some precautions. Maybe make it a double date, or meet him at the restaurant to get to know him better.
It’s not fair that, in our society, the war on women is such that this is still needed. It should not be like this, but sadly, it is, and being aware that this kind of precaution is needed serves to protect you.
So, what if you tell a man that you would like to go out with him, but that you don’t sleep with men on the first date, and he decides not to go out with you? I would say that is excellent. This is an indication that he never saw you as a person in the first place. He never wanted to get to know you, and only was interested in your body. You laid out your expectations, he didn’t respect them, cut him loose. He doesn’t deserve you anyway.
It just occurred to me that adult stores should offer discount coupons for inflatable sex dolls to women, specifically so that they can hand them out to guys who are jerks. If all he’s interested in is sex, and she’s not interested, she can just hand it to him. I doubt he would use it (but wouldn’t it be funny if he did), but it’s just a way to make him feel like a jerk. Let’s face it, sometimes guys deserve that.
Women have power. They are very powerful, in fact. But, at the same time, as a personal favor, I’m going to ask you to be understanding. It wasn’t that long ago (and it really does still happen today) that men were scolded for being gentlemen. “I can open my own door!” or “I can pay for my own meal!” in a harsh tone was not uncommon. I still like to open doors, offer to drive, and offer to pay. It’s who I am. I learned that men should be gentlemen, and women should be treated as ladies, and I’ve paid the price. Several times. But never did I assume that a woman was incapable. Yes, women CAN open their own doors, but, don’t they DESERVE to be treated special? Heck, if a woman is with me, I’m grateful to her for giving me her time, and I want to show my appreciation. I don’t pay for meals because I assume she is destitute; I pay for meals to show her my gratitude.
YOU deserve to have men show you gratitude. And YOU have the power to be sure that they do, or, at the very least, walk away when they don’t.