Slow Descent into Oblivion 10/27/19

Update on the life of Richard Bleil

Yesterday, my car was repossessed.

It’s not that it was unexpected. It’s just the continuing decay of what was once my life. It was a very nice car, and rather upper end middle or lower end expensive price. It wasn’t a Tesla by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a very nice sporty car.

When I bought it, I had a good job, with a very nice income. I should have had no problem keeping up with payments until I was let go by a provost who felt threatened as I had blogged about previously.

It just doesn’t pay to try to do the right thing.

Two years of unemployment (or, at the very best, part-time), the result of several thousand failed job applications, was falling behind on payments. Sure enough, on Friday, I walked out to the parking lot and it was gone.

In a strange kind of way, it’s also a relief. The tags were (very) expired since the title was with the leasing company, and, of course, they certainly wouldn’t release them when I was so far behind on payments. Every time I passed a police car, I panicked a little bit. Besides, now that it’s over, I can stop wondering when it will just be gone because, well, now it’s gone. I can also save money on insurance, and maybe start paying up for an old used (hopefully reliable) car that I can buy outright to save all of these hassled in the future.

My ex-wife had a term, “broke dick”, referring to a man with no job, no car, and no home. It’s what TLC would have called a “scrub”. This is me today. I’ve lost everything, my job (which is my identity), my home, and now my car. I hear “broke dick” in my mind repeatedly, and it’s always directed at me.

It’s not easy, but thanks to my friends, it’s not nearly as bad as it could be. One of my friends is kind enough to allow me to crash with him for a bit so I do have a roof over my head, albeit one that makes me feel guilty. Another makes sure that I am eating. Without these friends, I honestly don’t know where I might be today. The place I am staying is near a bus stop, as is where I am currently employed (albeit part-time temporary). All in all, I’ll walk about a mile each day to reach it. But, it’s something. I could also use a ride share, although this would be about four times more expensive.

I am certainly learning about the plight of far too many Americans, that I can tell you!

I posted about this on my social media account. But the purpose is not to elicit pity or charity, but rather, I hope to be an example.

For one thing, with any friends who are struggling, I hope they see my struggles and know that they are not alone. I try to maintain a positive attitude (not easy with my depression, and some days are better than others). I hope that my friends struggling with problems, or depression, or with other stresses will look to me and realize that, yes, as bad as it might be, here is an example of somebody keeping the faith and moving forward.

I also hope that I serve as an example to avoid excesses. The car should have been affordable for my income, but things can go wrong, and quite unexpectedly. I actually was looking for a permanent house to purchase in my last town. I guess it wasn’t a surprise when the ax fell, but it did fall very quickly once I became concerned.

Finally, I hope I serve as an example to help my friends with life partners to show their appreciation. With the exception of just a couple of years, I’ve spent my life alone. When I was married, I could keep my depression at bay. Not so much anymore. What’s more, with a life partner, maybe she could have helped me to make better decisions. At least there would have been discussion, and when things went wrong, it would have helped immensely to have another to help shoulder the burden. Not every relationship, God knows, is salvageable, or should be saved. But on the flip side of the coin, when one is in a relationship with a good partner, risking it is always a mistake. I’ve written about betrayal of trust before, specifically regarding affairs. If I can save a marriage by helping others see how hard it is to be alone, that might be a good thing, too.

I am actually a very spiritual (but not religious) person. I do believe in God. Maybe I’m meant to be an example for others. Or, maybe my life just sucks. It could honestly go either way.