Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Sometime around 1990 I was a member of a “dating service”. This was before online dating gained traction so these sites were kind of like clubs. You’d pay a ton of money, and they guaranteed to send you at least two names a month, which is about all I would get. The irony is that the women I’ve dated from the service said they’d get about five a week, mainly because these sites were so overpopulated with men. And I’ve had more than one tell me that they are not interested in a relationship (which was always my goal). The women who want a relationship would get so many names that they’d find somebody quickly. The rest were in it for the free meals.
That might not be a general truth, but it is based on what I was told. I can’t vouch for how common these attitudes were, and we’re talking about thirty years ago so things may be very different today. Hopefully I’ve not offended anybody, but if I did, I do apologize.
But that’s not the point of today’s post. Actually, I wanted to talk about one of my dates in particular (another one who informed me she wasn’t interested in anything beyond a first date, which, now that I think about it, may just have meant with me). She was very obese. She was also very very sexy.
No, we didn’t.
But it was an interesting lesson for me. The fact that she was obese is not really the point. I’ve never been bothered by weight. What I do find interesting, though, is that this woman who breaks our societal “norms” of beauty was really stunning. And the reason is very simple: it was her attitude.
Okay, there are a lot of people (probably more so men) that will “dissect” a woman’s body for attractive features. They’ll discuss the size breasts or butt that they like, color hair, just about any petty little thing you can imagine, but the truth is that body image does not determine sexiness. Let me say that again.
Body image does NOT determine sexiness.
What made this woman so sexy wasn’t her body or her hair or her eyes; it was entirely her attitude. She decided that she is sexy, and she was. She had self-confidence and that lead to a walk, presentation, attitude, confidence that made her very sexy, so sexy in fact that thirty years later, I’m still blogging about her.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. That is a day to celebrate that special person in your life. I suggest that today, we make it about you. Think about what makes you feel sexy, and treat yourself. Be sexy because, frankly, you are sexy. Let me say that again.
You ARE sexy.
When I was young and naive, I have to admit that I liked sexy underwear and sources like Victoria’s Secret as if they were making their products for me. But, they’re not. The reality is that wearing sexy underwear does make many women feel more sexy whether or not it will be seen by others, and feeling more beautiful often leads to greater self-confidence. This is a good thing. I took a girlfriend to Victoia’s Secret at one point and treated her to anything that she wanted to buy, but with one provision. I asked her not to buy anything for me. That is, I didn’t want her to buy things that she thought that I would find sexy; it was all about her. She bought a comfortable nightgown, a silk robe, and a pretty bra. It was wonderful, and it was all for herself. I loved doing that for her (especially since it is the first time she’d ever done anything like that or had even been in that store!).
Working at DSU, I was chatting with a young woman who was about to graduate from my program. I asked her what it is that she wanted to do with her degree. She became very quiet, and kind of hung her head saying she was embarrassed to say. I encouraged her to open up, and she said she wanted to work in the cosmetics industry developing makeup, which, she said, she knows is shameful. It is not. Makeup makes women feel more attractive, sexy, and, again, more self-confident. If her work in cosmetics helps one woman to stand up for herself, to be assertive, to feel confident to pursue passions that she otherwise would not, then how can that possibly be a bad thing?
Yes, celebrate yourself, believe in yourself, make yourself feel sexy. You deserve it. Let me say that again.
You deserve it.