Thoughts by Richard Bleil
This is my second post of the day. It’s been a moderate day of writing for me as some posts are easier to write than others. There are days that the ideas flood, and days that I will stay up late trying to think of a single topic on which to blog. The reality is that my blogs don’t usually have a lot of research, and I don’t edit them as I should. I’ll write them, and if I feel comfortable, what I write is what you get.
Well, they’re free.
I’ll do a little bit of fact checking and verify that what I think I’m remembering is correct. Recently, for example, I wrote a bit on generating electricity. I remembered Maxwell’s equations, but need to double check to be sure that I wasn’t confusing these equations with something else. Usually these checks are pretty quick and simple. I’m not an investigative journalist, so this work is much easier than tracking down people to get direct quotes, and they’re not scholarly so I’m not doing library searches into obscure documents that most people don’t even know exist.
Still, some posts are easier than others. There are times that the memories make me cry although in our society men are never supposed to do that, and certainly not admit it. There are days that my words work up my own ire as I write them. There are days that my thoughts are so scattered and disconcerted that it’s difficult to write anything even moderately coherent, and there are days that my blogs reflect this.
This post will probably be one of the latter.
Some of the easiest posts have two things in common. It’s something that I’m passionate about, and opinion. Of late, protests and the underlying reasons have been a significant source of many of these posts. Having worked in a police department as a civilian employee, I have a little bit of insight into these protests. That’s very different from being an expert, but it does make for an interesting perspective. Don’t get me wrong; I have a lot of friends in law enforcement and I do support the institution and those men and women of law enforcement who execute their jobs fairly, with dignity and justice. But I’ve also seen those who are the kinds of officers that are the reason for the protests. I’ve seen members of the command staff play favorites and protect behaviors that should be grounds for reprimands or worse.
Those posts are easy to write. They get under my skin. I see the men and women who deserve to be protected and honored for the job they do getting undercut by officers who get away with unethical behaviors, or worse, because they are somebody’s personal “favorite”. I’ve seen members of the police department being discriminated against by the administration for sexual orientation, and I’ve seen members of society mistreated by the justice system as a whole because of their nationality. I could write on these topics all day.
Some posts are easy because they’re just fun stories of my past, or posts on people who I adore and miss. It’s sad that even the people you have loved, and still do, can sometimes disappear from your life. It’s kind of funny, actually. I’m very lonely, unmarried and not even in a relationship. I’ve always wanted to be married, though, and in a happy relationship, but despite my relationship status, I have loved so deeply that it hurts. Most of the time, my relationships were little more than friendships which I find very sad. But, on the plus side, this has given me the opportunity to know these women on a level much deeper than skin. Learning to appreciate them for their hearts, their minds, and their souls. This turned out to be great practice, because in this I learned to look for these same qualities in the few lovers I actually have had and developed some great lasting relationships with several of them.
Not everyone that I love is somebody with whom I had hoped to develop a physical relationship, either. Being heterosexual, for example, I have several male friends that fall into this category, and I am proud to say that I love them as well. Again, in our society, men are not supposed to say such things about other men regardless of sexual orientation, but this fear of love, and expressions thereof, is one of the most dangerous toxic aspects of our gender in my humble opinion. The concept of loving a man brings about homophobic emotions even when no sexuality is implied. I do find it interesting, though, that many of my male friends (probably most) are atypical of men in that they are more emotionally intelligent, more accepting of others, and more aware of society and current events.
So, there we have it. A disconcerted and rambling post about little more than nothing at all.