Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Have you ever noticed that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference? It’s an interesting thing when you hate somebody that you love, but not only is it possible, but it seems to be common.
When I’m in love, I try to express my love to her frequently. But every now and again, I also like to tell her that I like her. Or I appreciate her, or I respect her, or I’m impressed by her, because you can love without feeling any of these other emotions. The last time I did this, I caught her off guard, and she cried. I don’t like seeing women I love cry, but it was so sweet to see these tears because they were out of joy.
Not long ago, I wrote a piece on physical attraction. In that piece, I argued that, at least in the beginning, there should be perhaps a bit of forgiveness if that’s all men seem to notice at first because that is all they have to go by. I’m often attracted to a woman based on looks, but the reality is that it’s not enough to keep me interested. It often surprises women when I tell them that I don’t need, or even want, a partner who is well versed in science and math. But I find that to maintain my interest, a woman must have a kind heart. One who is cruel, or shallow is usually the first to lose my attention. A woman who makes racist comments or talks down to cashiers or is cruel to servers would be wasting her time to try to be with me.
Believe it or not, I don’t want to be with a woman who holds to my political views. Unfortunately, in this era, it seems nearly impossible to be civil between people loyal to a party. But if a woman thinks for herself, can articulate her opinions based on independent thought and can respect mine when we disagree, then I’m very impressed. Civil and intelligent discussions are definitely a plus.
A sense of humor goes a long way with keeping me interested. My mother once told me that she usually had no idea what I was talking about until, sometime in my seventh year of life, she realized that I was only joking. Not everybody has a sense of humor, and some would suggest that I’m one of these people who are humorless. Well, okay, the truth is that my sense of humor tends to be very dry and usually flies over the heads of those around me. But still, I try.
Sexuality does make a difference, but it’s not a prerequisite for a happy relationship. I’ve spoken of kinks in one of my earliest posts, but if I’m with a partner who is not into the same kinks that I am it’s really okay. I want my lover to be a life partner, not just a sexual one. Her kinks are every bit as important as mine, and with a happy relationship, I can happily give up on my sexual desires and adapt to hers. Sexual kinks are a great way to spice up a relationship and keep it fresh, but it’s not a substitute for deeper feelings and connections.
Just in case you’ve kind of forgotten the point to this post, as, frankly, I kind of did, these are a list of things that make me like, appreciate, and enjoy my partner. There are many other things that I could add to this list (like honesty, trustworthiness, openness and so forth), but the important point is that to truly be attracted to a woman, and to maintain that attraction, it takes far more than just the way she looks.
Naturally, this is all sort of a self-centered discussion of what keeps me interested. I cannot speak for others, so of course I cannot decide on what my partners should or shouldn’t find attractive. An individual might agree with the things I’ve said, or have different things that keep them interested, or might disagree completely. That’s okay; I respect this, and I would never presume to tell somebody else what it is that they should or should not find attractive. But it might be educational, for my readers who have not already done so, to actually sit down and decide what it is that they do or do not find attractive. And if you have found your special partner, take a moment to tell them not only that you love them, but that you have other feelings as well.