Manscaping 12/22/20

Hygiene by Richard Bleil

Yes, by “manscaping” I mean what you think I mean. On the day I’m writing this, I shaved that special shave that nobody discusses for the first time in a few years. I’ve been living in the homes of friends and, frankly, never wanted to make that kind of mess in their homes, but this is my home, and this is my hill of, um, clippings, I guess.

The first question anybody might have is simply “why?” The concept of manscaping, I’m guessing, comes from the pornography industry. The male “stars” realized that without a hair coat, their “equipment” looks larger. I find it curious that we tend to take so much from the pornography industry, but it seems like we never like to acknowledge it, as if we’ve never ever seen any pornography in our entire life. Nobody wants to admit that they have to rely on pornography, but in the US it’s estimated to be a $17 billion industry and an estimated 40 million Americans regularly visit pornography sites. In one includes casual (infrequent) porn site visitors, or people who have ever visited or looked at it, I’m sure it would be a large majority of us.

Yet, we all seem to be embarrassed of pornography, and rarely admit it. This makes it particularly funny to consider how many habits we’ve picked up from these movies and photos that we’ve never ever seen. The “tongue stud” comes from pornography, in fact. These days, I think a lot of people get them as a “fashion statement” (including a friend of mine), but the reality is that it started in pornography because, presumably, having a tongue stud makes fellatio feel amazing. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been with a woman with a tongue stud, and I certainly am not opposed to them. However, I do think people should understand where the trend came from and why. I don’t shame people, and I know there are those who enjoy that activity, and even those who don’t but like the say tongue studs look, but before getting one I feel like the history should be known so the recipient can make an informed decision.

The first time I decided to give myself a male trim, some years ago, I guess I couldn’t even explain my reasoning. See, for me, I wanted to try it. I’m an experimentalist, and I was going through a pretty bad depression at the time and just felt like I needed to do something, anything, different. So, I shaved.

It was pretty harmless. Unlike a tattoo, it’s not permanent, and because of where it is, nobody would see it or even know about it unless I were stupid enough to write a blog about it. It’s worth the experiment; if you don’t like it, it’ll grow back but, honestly, if you have a significant other, check with them first. After all, if you’re not trying to be sexy for your significant other, for whom are you trying? And if you think it would shock them, then make sure that you do ask. Who knows, it might just put a new spark into your sex life.

Here’s my best advice to you, though, before you do it. Get lotion. They do make special “after shave” for the region which, let’s face it, is rather more sensitive than your face. I forgot that today, and I’m feeling the skin getting dry and irritated, and that’s certainly not a good thing in that particular area. And, of course, be very careful of anything sharp around your favorite organ. In fact, I purchased a wet/dry electric razor specifically designed for “man-scaping”. It’s supposed to not pinch, although it did when I first bought it, but it didn’t today. I think maybe I was misusing it before. I’m older and wiser now. Well, okay, not so much wiser as older.

Shaving itself apparently started 100,000 years ago when evidence shows that cave men would pluck hair from their faces using clam shells like tweezers. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine the patience and ability to handle pain it must have taken back then. By the time you plucked out the last facial hair it was probably time to start over with the first one again.

Shaving itself is done, apparently, to make us look younger. I myself change my facial hair, usually clean-shaven, but sometimes sporting a full beard or even, to a lesser extent, just a mustache. I’m told I look good in a beard, which I assume means the less of my face you can actually see, the better looking I am. However, when I have a beard, I’m told my facial expressions tend to be more pronounced which I find curious. So now I’m shaved, but, not where anybody is likely to see it, but being a man, yes, send me a request and I’ll text a picture to you.

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