Too Much 3/23/21

Idiocy by Richard Bleil

Today was fun, but, expensive. I really need to get a job; the way I’m going I’ll be broke by last month. I was fortunate enough to spend the day with a good friend of mine. She suggested that we go shopping for high heels and pearls for me. Okay, not me, but the skeleton outside of my bedroom. I have already bought a leopard pattern dress for the skeleton, but she needed shoes and some kind of jewelry, but let’s be fair…I certainly won’t be able to find a ring for fingers as bony as hers.

So, off to second-hand stores to see what we could find, and sure enough, found a sexy pair of heels and a pearl necklace. I’m thinking about a wig now, and maybe one of those oversized pair of glasses with the wingtips. But we went to two stores, and found two items, so we were thinking about what else we can do, and I realized I needed to stop by a home improvement store. Mainly, I wanted to know how long the 4×4’s are, and this store sells them from eight to sixteen feet with “step two feet” (in other words, 8, 10, 12 and so on up to sixteen). My plan is to build a long workbench, far too long to ever move out so it will become part of the house, with dual levels. I’m thinking about half of it being three and a half feet, and half being two and a half so if I have to work from the top down (like when I drill) it’ll be easier. So, just guessing here, I’ll need nine 8 feet pieces. But I’ll need a way to cut them, to size. So, I bought a power miter saw.

This ten-inch miter saw is large enough to be able to cut through a 4×4 without needing to cut half-way and flipping it. It will also be big enough to handle the 2×4 pieces I’ll use ass braces and for the frame. I don’t have the wood yet, but I sure had fun unboxing and getting to know how it works, and whether or not you want to believe it, I still have most of my fingers left! The only thing I don’t understand is how I managed to cut off my toes.

Now I’m very excited to get started now, which is a good thing for my depression, but before I can get started, I need a dumpster for the boxes and packing materials I’ve accumulated from the move. I put it all in the basement so I could dispose of it all at once. But before I can get that I need to finish the car port. Yep, I’m installing one of those as well. I’m a regular home building show right now.

Anyway, with my friend there who knows me well enough to know that I am going to be getting a half a buffalo in a couple of weeks, also convinced me to look at grills and smokers. Yep, I’m going to be buying a grill, too. I found a really nice one that is half grill and half smoker. Each half is small, and since I’m pretty much the loneliest man in the world, I really don’t need a large grill. It’s a good investment, actually. My new stove has a grill section as well, but an outdoor grill can have wood chips to modify the flavor, and the smoker can do things like smoked buffalo brisket, smoked ribs, and even smoked jerky. But don’t confuse buffalo jerky with buffalo good guy.  Pun totally intended.  But smoked meat will last longer than uncooked, so hopefully it will help the buffalo last longer.

Now that I think about my purchases, it’s kind of an interesting mix especially since it really was all for me. Between power tools, grills, and heels and pearls it just strikes me as comical. The funniest thing about the heels and the pearls, of course, is that nobody is going to believe the true purpose of them. Who in their right mind would ever buy heels for a skeleton that is right outside of his bedroom?

Well, nobody, to be honest with you…not if they’re in their right mind.

Every now and then, I’ll wake up in the morning, look at the skeleton outside of my bedroom door in the hallway and ask myself, why am I still single? I’ll tell you this; with a new power miter saw and grill/smoker combination, I’m certainly glad that my house insurance is fully enacted now. I hope they don’t read my blogs.


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