Thoughts by Richard Bleil
She joined me in my motel room. We were naked in bed, watching a movie on my tablet. I was leaving her alone, just lying next to her letting her enjoy the movie because I knew she had been wanting to see it. But we were both naked in a hotel room bed, so I assumed that there would be more to it. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed, but the signs were beautiful, bright and neon.
After the movie, I leaned in and kissed her, until she pushed me away and said that I hadn’t asked permission. She encouraged me to ask permission to kiss her, so I did, and I got the kiss. But, I have to admit, the concept of asking for permission before each step was almost as much of a turn-on as an ice-cold shower.
Don’t get me wrong; women are in charge. No means no, that is not in question. I’ve always believed that, even growing up in the ‘70’s. But I have to admit, my approach is somewhat different. If she and I are planning on physical love, I’ve always been of the mind that she can put an end to it at any time, and I respect if a woman says “no”. It ends immediately, but there’s more to sex than a collection of actions and positions.
Sex is about exploration, experimentation, it’s about passion, and wanting to bring pleasure to your lover as much as yourself. It’s about pleasing her, and surprising her should be a large part of the fun. A few minutes after insisting that I ask for permission to kiss her, this young woman asked me to perform a specific sexual act, and of course I was happy to do so, but it was so cold. Had we been in sync, and more natural, I would have gotten there, exploring her body and exciting other erogenous zones as I went. When I make love (as best as I can recall as this was my last sexual encounter and it was several years ago, although we never actually had intercourse), I start slowly, and work hard to get her excited, passionate, so I can build up to giving her the best pleasure that I can.
No, we never made love. In fact, we kind of just fell asleep. I think she was waiting for me to make a request, but I was still wanting to just let our passions call the shots until one of us said, “whoops, not that!” There’s so much fun to be had in not knowing what to expect next. Some things, I have to admit, I would ask before engaging in it. Conversation about sexual preferences and desires can be very erotic and is important to be “on the same page”. You don’t try to discover if someone is into bondage, for example, by surprising her and putting her into handcuffs before she knows it. That can be scary if she isn’t into it. But even with such acts, it’s not necessary to do them right away. If you’re both into it, it’s the kind of thing you can kind of hold onto for another encounter when the time is right.
I think she had the idea of “women empowerment”, but frankly it just killed the entire event. I’m all for women empowerment, but not at the expense of passion. Maybe I have friends who will disagree with this (I’m sure that she would) but I don’t feel like women lose any power at all by letting a man follow his natural passions. Women still have the right to say “stop”, and any man who disrespects that is not a man at all.
I hope she has found her passion. Maybe the younger generation (she is quite a bit younger than I am, I must admit) is more into this checklist form of sex, but for me, it just killed the mood. She lives many miles from me, so I don’t think we’ll ever get together again. I’m sure she’s not disappointed by this. Heck, there were a couple of times after that and I did reach out to see if she wanted to have dinner (yes, just dinner), but she opted out. She never gave an explanation, and she certainly didn’t owe me one, but it was kind of sad that this sexual encounter is likely to be the last time I see her. Apparently, she was as disappointed in our encounter as I was.
I was out of my element anyway. I didn’t really think anything more permanent would develop, and it’s not my style to have casual sexual encounters. I guess this is why.