Ridiculous Dog 10/11/21

Thoughts by Richard Bleil

What is it about the so-called “experts” that we will fall for anything that they tell us?  Do we really swallow eight spiders in our sleep every night?  It wouldn’t be bad, actually, since spiders are rich in protein, folic acid and zinc but, no, it’s not true.  The average American home has about four spiders living in it at any given point in time, and they would be driven away by the natural vibrations of a living, breathing human being as s/he sleeps.  On his deathbed, a sociologist recently claimed (although I cannot find the source for this at this time) that he started the rumor as a way of proving how false claims spread, and it really spread like, well, spiders leaping to their deaths in your mouth as you sleep.

“Mommy, my breath smells like dead spiders.”

Anyway, it seems like animal behaviorists have been making wildly inaccurate claims for years.  Have you ever noticed this?  How many animal “facts” have you heard that made you think, well, no.  Who are these so-called experts, and why do we believe them?

Dogs don’t dream.  Yeah, right.  Tell this to anybody who allows (or have allowed) a dog to sleep next to them.  The “spasms” and “twitches” they have as random muscular contractions sure are coordinated well enough and last long enough to approximate running.  And dogs “talk” in their sleep, not exactly barking, but more of a bark-like muttering that sounds like they’re barking at something.  Right, my dog is twitching to run and sleep barking because they’re not dreaming. 

Another one I’ve heard is how dogs can’t see their reflections in mirrors because they cannot see two-dimensional images.  Okay, I’ll believe that.  My dog used to bark at some three-dimensional smudge on the mirror, and randomly barking at dogs on the television is purely coincidental since they can’t see two-dimensional images.  Where do these knuckleheads get this nonsense?  It’s almost as if they’ve never actually lived with a dog and are basing their conclusions on some kind of experiment that dogs see is a game that they just don’t want to play.  But, hey, they’re the experts.

Dogs don’t feel emotions like love, loneliness or happiness.  Good one, Shaggy.  Back when I had a wife and stepsons (and a job, and a dog), they told me that they always knew when I was on my way home, because Bella (my long-lost puppy) would get excited and start staring out the window long before my Jeep (back when I had a Jeep) was even visible.  They did the experiment and went to the window with her, and it was a couple of minutes before I even could be seen on the highway before getting to the access road leading to our driveway.  Clearly, though, Bella wasn’t excited to see me.  She didn’t jump on me because she was happy, or showing me love.  Because, you know, dogs don’t have these emotions. 

Of course, today there are neuroscientists putting dogs into MRI machines so they can look at the brain activity of dogs as they sleep, and when they look at their humans.  The geological features of a dog brain are analogous to humans, and yes, the parts of the brain that lights up when a human is in love is the analogous part of the dog’s brain when they look at their human.  And dog brains light up in an analogous manner as a human’s brain while dreaming.

I wonder how those “experts” feel about themselves today.

My life is inundated with experts these days.  I have experts telling me what essential oils will cure my cold, and what holistic remedies to take for depression.  They know these work because they’ve done their research which typically means they’ve looked things up on web sites and from friends both of which sell essential oils and holistic treatments.  They’re not exactly ringing endorsements, and, no, I’m not an expert either so I won’t say that they don’t work.  In fact, some holistic treatments, like vitamin C for colds or eucalyptus and menthol for sinuses are well-known to have positive influence on colds and congestion respectively.  Eating healthy and getting proper nutrition will always be helpful, but St. John’s Wort has never helped me with depression, although it has effectively worked to help reduce excess wallet stress by draining its cash. 

Today the stakes are higher than ever.  People are ready to listen to right-wing conspiracy theorists (like those on Fox So-Called “News”) about Covid-19 vaccines and treatment, the same nuts who reported of a “Deep Nation” selling children into slavery out of the basement of a New York pizza place that doesn’t even have a basement.  They’d prefer taking hydroxychloroquine (the practice of which did cause multiple deaths) and Ivermectin (used by veterinarians to treat worms), not to mention injecting bleach and shoving lights into very uncomfortable places, none of which have shown any form of efficacy.  And here we are, listening to these so-called “experts” while ignoring Dr. Fauci and the CDC who our taxes have paid to research and evaluate such treatments. 

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