Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Author’s Note: This will discuss adult subjects
A couple of days ago (as of the writing of this post), I attended what must be one of the most unusual, and liberating, events I’d ever attended. Called the “Snow White Fetish Ball”, it was (correctly) billed as a BDSM event. No, not prostitution. No, you don’t go inside and get to whip or be whipped. It’s an opportunity to openly celebrate your proclivities with like-minded people.
They asked that you dress your part, either as a “submissive” or a “top”. I, myself, am a top, but one of the most fascinating inconsistencies of BDSM is that it’s always the submissive with the power. See, as a “top”, it is my job to be interesting and creative enough to keep her happy. The submissive, on the other hand, always has the power to stop the game, at any time, for any reason, at a moment’s notice, usually by uttering a safe word for phrase. And, yes, when she says it, it ends, no questions asked if you are doing it correctly.
The dress was certainly more liberal than I’m used to. Never have I seen so many women dressed in white silk (the gown of choice for the submissive), and yes, there were men there who were also dressed as submissive. There was a vendor there selling mainly collars, paddles and flogs (yes, I did buy a flog), a “fetish photographer” (I do wish I had a photo taken but my favorite “submissive” was also a hostess and far too busy to spend time with me), and a stage with acts for attendees to view (not sex, but sexual activities such as spanking and such).
Of late, I have been truly allowing my “freak flag” to fly. I’ve been spending far too much money on sex toys, including two (yes, two) realistic sex dolls. Sex dolls, by the way, come in a variety of configurations. Some are just heads, some just hips and the associated orifices thereabouts, some are torsos with a head down to and including the waist. Mine are full-size full body toys, posable, and realistic. Well, realistic looking, but few women I’d met actually like smelling like rubber.
A lot of people are “grossed out” by male sex toys. I don’t really understand this. Like the comedian said, it’s not like it’s the plan. Nobody in high school thinks to themselves how much they’re looking forward to being a man pushing sixty that is so desperately lonely that he’ll have sex dolls laying next to him in his adjustable bed, but here we are. And, yes, they make “sleeves” for men to pleasure themselves. Many find this concept equally disgusting, but the reason is unclear. Women have vibrators and penis-shaped toys that, for some reason, have become mainstream. Is the difference that men enter the toys rather than vice versa? I don’t get it. Frankly, both types of toys need to be cleaned regularly or both are truly disgusting.
But here’s the thing. I’m very happy that I went. I’m proud that I supported this event, the people who attended and the vendors within. Frankly, our society is shockingly uptight, and I’m proud that we’re living in an age where sexual matters are coming out in the open. I first became interested in the BDSM lifestyle, and have been living it, since about 1975 give or take a year. It was during middle school that I discovered the “joys” of masturbation. Although I was not Catholic, my mother was raised as one and she taught me a good healthy disgust and shame in my own sexuality. We had Miss Ohio living literally two doors up from us, just a couple of years older than I, and across the street from her was the young woman I truly lusted after. Confused by my new-found solo-sexuality and afraid to ask anything about it in my oppressive home, I used to fantasize that she would sneak into my room, tie me up and have her way with me. It was sexuality without the guilt because, at least in the fantasy, I was the victim. It didn’t take long until I had stopped fantasizing about being taken advantage of and began fantasizing about being the “top”.
Through the years, I’d had a few lovers who were excited by this dynamic and were willing participants, but there was always some kind of fear of letting out what my favorite role-play fantasy was. Now, sexuality is becoming far more mainstream and healthy discussion is becoming more acceptable, although we have a way to go. What I can tell you, though, is that I will be attending the next event this group plans (I already have my ticket), but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to smelling like a tire.