Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Recently some of my posts have surprised a few of my friends. Plenty of people, especially students, have speculated about my sexual orientation through the years, and of course they never did get an answer (except for the ones who remained in touch and today read my blog). If you are curious, yes, I’m heterosexual, although as long as it’s been since I’ve had a partner perhaps, I should start saying that I’m “monosexual”. I can create a new category for myself.
Beyond that, yes, I am into the BDSM lifestyle, and through the years have had some playmates who were as well. I’m a “top”, or a dominant in these games although, if my lover truly wants to switch roles, I am willing to do so simply because I believe good sex is about pleasing your partner. But it hasn’t happened often, and I dare say, I’m probably not a very good “submissive” because I don’t really have the experience.
But would it surprise you to discover that I’m also a very sensuous and romantic lover? BDSM games have their place to keep the bedroom exciting and experimental, but I also enjoy giving my partner full body massages and writing love letters. Honestly, for me BDSM is not a lifestyle (as it is for some) so much as a bedroom game. Outside of the bedroom, I very much believe in being romantic, supportive and loving, and, yes, I am even willing to forego BDSM if my partner is not into it.
I’ve also recently started spending far too much money on sex toys, something that may also surprise some people. Yes, I bought two life-size realistic sex dolls, and many masterbaters. This is not something most people would shout from the roof of a blog bearing their name, but the whole point of my blog is for me to be open and honest to help anybody who might be embarrassed or ashamed to find themselves in a similar situation. Honestly, these are just devices to help me deal with my loneliness and depression. Holding my sex doll “Josie” through the night with her head on my shoulder is just a way to help me forget that I don’t have anybody else to cuddle up with me as we sleep. Then her wig falls off, I wake up with a bald doll and a shoulder that smells like rubber, and my situation comes rushing back into my mind.
Frankly, I enjoy being an enigma. I enjoy knowing that I have a kinky side that would have shocked many people through my life. It’s almost like having a hidden identity that nobody knows but those few who I trust not to “out” me. Apparently, now that includes you.
There are other things about me that might surprise people. Much like my tattoo inked into the web of my thumb and only visible when I want it to be so, I’m actually a multi-faceted individual. My loyal readers know that I’m a huge advocate for intelligent gun laws that hold gun owners responsible for their weapons and keep guns out of the hands of those who should not have them. Yet, on the flip side of the coin, I have a gun collection including six handguns with calibers all the way up to a .50 magnum (the most powerful handgun commercially available today) and an AR-15 with a binary trigger, the fastest trigger allowed by law. But what do people see when they look at me? I’m guessing most people, to see me walking down the street anyway, might think, “Hey, look, a street walker!” I think, anybody who doesn’t know me well, might think I’m a staunch conservative, meaning anti-gun laws. Those who know how I believe in supporting the most vulnerable in our society might think I’m a flaming liberal wanting to take from the rich and give to the poor. In reality, I’m both, and no matter how anybody sees me, it’s fun to know that there’s a side of me that would shock them.
Heck, I used to teach for a living. My entire career has been based on academia, and yet I’m not as big a believer in advanced education as that might imply. I believe (and it seems like society is coming around to this view) that people should pursue the education level to achieve their goals, be that a high school degree, technical training, bachelor’s, doctorate or other. Too many people go to college because they believe it’s just what you do, and yes, I’ve talked a few students out of continuing their education until they were ready.
We’re all an enigma wrapped in a mystery. Nobody can truly be pigeon-holed as just one type of person. The question is do we want to “out” ourselves, or, just have fun knowing that the opinions of others are far more narrow of us than they can imagine.