Thoughts by Richard Bleil
There is a distinct difference between love and passion. Passion is fueled by lust. Early on, it crashes onto the beach washing away everything in its path. It feels like love, but as much as we would like it to last forever, our hormones just can’t keep up with our heart’s desire. Eventually it fades, and if the relationship lasts, it will ebb and flow like the tides, sometimes recessing farther than we would like, while other times flowing in a lapping the beach sensuously with its waves. There are ways, in a long term relationship, to sometimes bring it back a little more quickly, but usually it’s just a matter of timing like the phases of the moon.
If a relationship is to last, the underlying current must be love. Like the ocean supporting the waves of passion, without love there simply is no chance for a relationship to last. When the tide of passion moves from the beach, it’s love that must keep the relationship alive, the desire to make your partner happy, the need to spend time together, the joy even outside of the bedroom. Passion is fun, but without the love it probably won’t last.
Passion is a funny thing. Often the newness of a relationship is what gives rise to that first biggest wave. It’s a lot like drugs in that sense, where the first wave is so intense that the desire to bring it back leads to more attempts, and yet, that initial intensity is difficult or impossible to repeat. That doesn’t mean the passion is dead, though. Sometimes, even without thinking about it, the smallest thing can bring that passion rushing back into the shore. It might be something you partner says, the way the light strikes the face, or the beads of water on your partner’s skin after a shower.
There are ways to try to bring passion back to the surface. Talking is always very erogenous, especially if it leads to a previously unknown common kink. Bedroom photography is a powerful tool in finding an aspect of sensuality that might have been forgotten. Unexpected behavior, like suddenly sitting at the feet of your partner can bring new and seemingly forgotten feelings back to the surface.
Love has several components supporting it. First must be friendship. The joy of spending time together for the company itself is probably the most important factor in staying in love. Whether it be a common interest in baseball or gaming, or the intellectual discussions, there has to be something there that keeps two people coming back.
Another component of love that is absolutely critical is trust. To be in love is to want to protect your partner from harm, including from yourself. This is why infidelity is so harmful to love. Once the trust is broken, it is difficult to bring it back, if it is possible at all. To put your own lustful needs above the happiness of your partner is a form of betrayal that it’s a miracle that any relationship can survive it at all, and if it does, it’s changed forever. This includes the other person with whom the infidelity occurred. If someone claims to be in love has an affair, how can their outside partner ever really trust this person? What is to keep them from cheating on their new partner?
Love and passion do go hand in hand. Whether or not a couple wishes to have children, it’s passion that keeps a relationship exciting and fun. Love without passion can work, but it’s more like a friendship then. That is nothing to be scoffed at. Enjoying time with someone special is a great joy in life.
I guess that the point of this blog is to have patience and love. Even when the tide is out, the beach is beautiful and fun. Relationships are the same way. Know that the passion will ebb, but when it does, enjoy the beauty of the love left behind. Have fun on your beach, enjoy the company, and take the time to find the joys that lie beneath the passion. And when the passion returns, enjoy that, too. Experiment, explore, and enjoy each other’s body, kinks, and desires. If they’re not your desires at first, maybe they will become so. But passion is experimental, and love is joyful. Probably the thing that I miss most since the divorce is simply sitting in an oversized chair and just holding her with her head on my shoulder. I only wish she could have found the love for me that I had for her.