OCD 8/15/22

Thoughts with Richard Bleil

The old Mission Impossible television series had seven seasons. In total, there are one hundred and seventy-one episodes. I’m halfway through season seven. There were six seasons of the Rockford Files, with one-hundred and twenty-three episodes. Columbo had seven seasons with sixty-nine episodes, two episodes of a spin-off called “Mrs. Columbo” and twenty-four movies, the equivalent of one-hundred nineteen episodes. This amounts to well over four hundred episodes of classic television, and what do they all have in common?

I’ve been binge watching them all.

And what’s been driving me to do so? Well, I suspect a mild form of OCD is what’s driving me. I’ve decided that I wanted some old classic television series, so I ordered them in fairly rapid order. Now, I’m trying to verify that all of the discs work. It’s been nice avoiding the usual streaming movie services and their repetitive offerings for a while, and yet, it’s kind of a bad thing to binge watch so many episodes in a row.

I’m not sure that people without OCD really understands what it’s like. One of my favorite video games has several character types you can play and a variety of war-like battles against monsters throughout earth, hell and heaven. It’s a very fun game, but when I play it, I choose one type of character, and battle through to the end. Then, I choose another type of character, go back to the beginning, and start it all over again. Some of these characters are not so good, so I tend to go back and restart these characters, over and over, until they complete.

It starts off as a game, but eventually, it becomes frustrating. The scenes and challenges become repetitive, and yet, I’m driven to keep playing it over and over again. What starts off as a game eventually changes. It fades, in a way, and becomes a chore. And I just keep playing.

I mentioned that my form of OCD (never diagnosed) is mild. I say this because, eventually, I realize that I’m not really having fun with the game any longer. I recognize when it begins to feel like a job and is no longer fun, and my OCD is mild enough that I can, through sheer force of will, give it up. I’ll force myself to stop, which is why I believe it’s mild.

Sometimes I wonder if OCD is responsible for the talent of some of my friends. I just posted a challenge for my friends on my social media page to make cover art for a new book I’m writing, and I know I have several friends who will submit for it (I’ve made it a contest with an actual cash prize that I hope they will find of an appropriate amount for a commission). But OCD drives me to spend significant time to do a job right. When I stained the play set in the back of my old house, I worked on it for hours, being careful to make the stain go as far as possible, and I know it was my OCD. When creating art, regardless of the medium (including music), I suppose that the artist is driven to get it just right, to create the image they see, to go over it repeatedly making it better, fixing mistakes, trying to make it perfect. Isn’t that a form of OCD?

I have my doctorate because of my OCD. I started my education and couldn’t stop until I reached the very end of the road. Even my research was something I worked on, very hard, until it was done. I fought with difficulties, working sometimes through the entire night in marathons of work that lasted, quite literally, for thirty-two hours.

This isn’t a good thing. It’s very hard on the body and mind, causing enormous stress, and potentially health issues. It does create an interesting special kind of stress, though, when my OCD makes me desperate to do something, but my manic depression makes it nearly impossible to motivate to do, well, much of anything at all. The reality is that I really need to have a partner who can help me prioritize, energize, and for whom I can accomplish. It’s not enough for me to do it for just me, and my OCD aggravates my depression as well. I’ve been watching these episodes for months now, and they can get repetitive and challenging. I’m watching the last couple of DVD’s of Mission Impossible now, and it’s definitely feeling more like a job than a pleasure. But, almost done. Not much longer now. Not…much…longer…

OCD 8/15/22

Thoughts with Richard Bleil

The old Mission Impossible television series had seven seasons. In total, there are one hundred and seventy-one episodes. I’m halfway through season seven. There were six seasons of the Rockford Files, with one-hundred and twenty-three episodes. Columbo had seven seasons with sixty-nine episodes, two episodes of a spin-off called “Mrs. Columbo” and twenty-four movies, the equivalent of one-hundred nineteen episodes. This amounts to well over four hundred episodes of classic television, and what do they all have in common?

I’ve been binge watching them all.

And what’s been driving me to do so? Well, I suspect a mild form of OCD is what’s driving me. I’ve decided that I wanted some old classic television series, so I ordered them in fairly rapid order. Now, I’m trying to verify that all of the discs work. It’s been nice avoiding the usual streaming movie services and their repetitive offerings for a while, and yet, it’s kind of a bad thing to binge watch so many episodes in a row.

I’m not sure that people without OCD really understands what it’s like. One of my favorite video games has several character types you can play and a variety of war-like battles against monsters throughout earth, hell and heaven. It’s a very fun game, but when I play it, I choose one type of character, and battle through to the end. Then, I choose another type of character, go back to the beginning, and start it all over again. Some of these characters are not so good, so I tend to go back and restart these characters, over and over, until they complete.

It starts off as a game, but eventually, it becomes frustrating. The scenes and challenges become repetitive, and yet, I’m driven to keep playing it over and over again. What starts off as a game eventually changes. It fades, in a way, and becomes a chore. And I just keep playing.

I mentioned that my form of OCD (never diagnosed) is mild. I say this because, eventually, I realize that I’m not really having fun with the game any longer. I recognize when it begins to feel like a job and is no longer fun, and my OCD is mild enough that I can, through sheer force of will, give it up. I’ll force myself to stop, which is why I believe it’s mild.

Sometimes I wonder if OCD is responsible for the talent of some of my friends. I just posted a challenge for my friends on my social media page to make cover art for a new book I’m writing, and I know I have several friends who will submit for it (I’ve made it a contest with an actual cash prize that I hope they will find of an appropriate amount for a commission). But OCD drives me to spend significant time to do a job right. When I stained the play set in the back of my old house, I worked on it for hours, being careful to make the stain go as far as possible, and I know it was my OCD. When creating art, regardless of the medium (including music), I suppose that the artist is driven to get it just right, to create the image they see, to go over it repeatedly making it better, fixing mistakes, trying to make it perfect. Isn’t that a form of OCD?

I have my doctorate because of my OCD. I started my education and couldn’t stop until I reached the very end of the road. Even my research was something I worked on, very hard, until it was done. I fought with difficulties, working sometimes through the entire night in marathons of work that lasted, quite literally, for thirty-two hours.

This isn’t a good thing. It’s very hard on the body and mind, causing enormous stress, and potentially health issues. It does create an interesting special kind of stress, though, when my OCD makes me desperate to do something, but my manic depression makes it nearly impossible to motivate to do, well, much of anything at all. The reality is that I really need to have a partner who can help me prioritize, energize, and for whom I can accomplish. It’s not enough for me to do it for just me, and my OCD aggravates my depression as well. I’ve been watching these episodes for months now, and they can get repetitive and challenging. I’m watching the last couple of DVD’s of Mission Impossible now, and it’s definitely feeling more like a job than a pleasure. But, almost done. Not much longer now. Not…much…longer…