Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Some time ago a friend of mine, who I do not hear from frequently, contacted me out of the blue. She needed to talk because of her kink, a fetish that was shameful, and wanted to know what to do about it.
As far as kinks go, hers was beyond mine, but the reality is that her kink hurt nobody. Yes, I believe that most people might find it extreme, but nobody else has to participate if they’re not into it. So, if it’s not hurting anybody, then by what right should anybody judge her for it? It’s just a kink that she enjoys, one, by the way, that others enjoy as well. There’s an entire community out there for that kink in particular as a matter of fact. These are people who enjoy something that brings them joy and spices up their sex life.
I can understand if she doesn’t want to advertise her kink. Heck, if it weren’t for this blog and a decision that I made to be as open and honest about my life as possible, I don’t advertise my kink either. In fact, I rather enjoy being that square straight guy with a hidden side that a lot of people just don’t know about (although, apparently, I don’t hide it well).
As I was speaking with her, I didn’t try to “cure” her, because there is nothing to cure. We all have our “dirty little secrets”, parts of our personality that we try to keep hidden from others, and if those secrets don’t hurt others, there is no harm keeping them to ourselves. I didn’t try to talk her out of it, but rather, tried to reassure her that she is not alone. No, it’s not a common kink, but not unheard of, and common enough, in fact, that it even has its own name which I will not share with you today.
Our society, in my personal opinion, is too uptight about sexuality. We use derogatory terms for people with healthy libidos (usually targeting women specifically) and look at kinks like mine including bondage and role-play as if it’s something shameful. But honestly, bondage is a very common kink. The entertainment industry will play with it to get our attention, with movie ads involving lovely young women in distress helplessly bound and sometimes gagged, but if it’s in a movie, somehow, we are okay with it. But if I do it, it’s weird and kinky and shameful.
No, it’s not shameful. It’s just spice. Although there may be some exceptions, everybody enjoys sex, and yet we hide that simple little fact. We don’t discuss it, we hide our sexual behaviors, we won’t be open about our obsessions, and even acts as common as masturbation is taboo. But keeping these topics taboo does nothing but put a burden on those who participate. I cannot imagine any way that such societal standards can help anybody, but they do hurt.
Because topics of sexuality are so taboo in our society, people, especially children, find it nearly impossible to discuss any of it. No doubt, some of my readers are now thinking that children should not have a cause to discuss sexuality, but in the case of incest and rape, open and honest discussion is the best way for children to deal with such crimes. But because they find it difficult to use proper terminology or talk about topics openly and honestly, the crimes go unreported and often unaddressed. I have a friend who was raped by her father, repeatedly, growing up, but when she tried to speak of it with her mother, the only think her mom would say is to keep it secret because she wouldn’t want her father to be taken away. In another story (perhaps apocryphal), a young girl referred to her vagina as her “cookie”, causing confusion when she did try to report it, delaying action to protect the girl from her father.
Recently, I’ve made a lot of wonderful friends who are very open about their sexuality. I met most of them through a fetish fair to which I was invited by another friend. I don’t know if this kind of openness about sexual orientation and proclivities is something that the newest generation does in general, or if I just happen to be fortunate enough to have happened upon this particular group of friends. Either way, I’m absolutely thrilled to have met them and that I have at least a chance for them to become a part of my life. But what I do know is that I’m honored to know them and for the trust they have shown in me.