Humor with Richard Bleil
There are eight billion people in the world. That’s almost as many hamburgers sold by some clown somewhere. This represents something of a population explosion. For example, in the year that I was born, there were only maybe six or seven thousand people in the world. It makes me feel old just saying that.
As I write this blog, Daylight Savings comes to and end. The clocks are to be set up, and today it’s an hour earlier than it was at this time yesterday. But if you think it’s difficult changing your clocks by an hour, try changing from counting down the years to zero to counting up. That was a challenge, trust me. Curiously, we all saw it coming. Don’t ask me how, because I can’t explain it. How did they know where year zero would be?
Kids today have no idea how easy they have it, in their warm houses with central heat and air and electricity. I still remember fighting the bear for my first cave. You have no idea how hard it is to evict a bear from a cave. She was so mad.
I remember when heat in the night meant sleeping with dogs. Heck, a “three dog night” was so cold that you would invite three dogs to sleep with you. Then came fire. That was high tech, I’m telling you. The priests said that it took the innocence of virgins to keep the fire going. Most of them came from the Vestil family. George Vestil was such a tyrant that nobody tried to touch their daughters. He was so cruel whenever he discovered that one of his daughters had lost her innocence.
Eventually, tools were invented, and many of them were used to work on stones. I remember the practice stones. We didn’t know what we needed them for, but we practiced on thousands and thousands of stones, trying our best to make them with perfectly sharp corners in rectangular shapes. They weighed a lot, and eventually became something of a problem. Eventually, the boss told us to stack them all up in piles, shaped like pyramids. Man, those bosses were jerks. When they passed, we decided to bury them in their precious pyramids of stacked stones. Yes, the yards looked so much better once we had piled them up, but it was just so much work. They were just jerks. They could have helped, but oh, no. They were too good for that.
It’s not that I’m feeling old, mind you, but it seems like so much is falling apart. I really should have it rebound by a professional, but I don’t want to lose the signature. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a first edition of the Bible autographed by the author? And, by the way, I was the guy that bussed the table at the last dinner. I don’t want to speak ill, but Judas was such a jerk. I knew he would be, though. He was the only one paying with Roman coins. He didn’t even leave a tip. Jerk. I have no idea why the others let him hang around. And I think that Roman coin made some of the others suspicious of him. I can’t say for sure because nobody really wanted to call him out on it directly, but I could tell.
I was around when we were overrun with frogs. Ugh, it was too much, but at least there were no mosquitos that year. It wasn’t hard to get through it, though, although I did get a little bit tired of eating frog legs, but there were certainly plenty of them to be had. And we had our fun that year. We’d sit around singing Grateful Dead tunes while licking the frogs. I don’t think the frogs enjoyed it, but we sure did. Dude, the colors. The colors.
I was in Greece and fortunate to go to the first school. It was developed by a philosopher. We just sat around all day with the teachers and discussed things. The only thing that I didn’t understand is why we all had to be naked. I asked the teacher, why do we have to be naked? He never really answered, but just went off and got us talking about the meaning of life or some such thing. I said, I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s related to nudity. He told me to prove it. I couldn’t. I failed. Very sad. Hell, I’m still paying of the student loans for that school.