A blog written by Richard Bleil’s boss Star
This is Star. Don’t tell my Hey Mister that I’m jumping in here to write a blog for the new year, but honestly, wouldn’t you rather read a feline perspective on the new year over one written by this dink human that I have trained to feed me and scoop my litter? I mean, seriously. How bright can he be to play with my droppings? And what does he do with it all? Does it go into some kind of collection?
So the new year, as I understand it, has begun for you humans. I don’t understand how you measure time. Honestly, all you should care about is food time, poo time, and nap time. I guess cuddle time and petting time is fine, too, but what else is there?
I think maybe we should make this year about family. And I don’t mean blood. I have no idea where my parents or siblings are. My family is this dink who is living in my house. At least he pulls his weight. He gives me food, but never enough, and I don’t understand that. He seems to have an endless supply. Why doesn’t he just store it where I can get it? Is he that paranoid of not having enough for himself? It’s an endless supply! We’ve never run out!!
What a dink.
I know he has family all over the world. There are people who care about him spread far and wide. Honestly, I have no idea why, but I do know how important they are to him. And maybe that’s what family is. The people and creatures that care about us, whether or not they share any feline DNA with us. Man, it must be a real bummer having DNA more closely aligned with monkeys than cats.
So, I guess I’m supposed to make some kind of resolutions for the new year. I resolve to eat better. And by better, I mean more. I want to eat more. And if I eat too much, I resolve to throw up on Hey Mister’s bed. He seems to like that. When I do it, he immediately collects it and puts it away so he won’t lose it. I’m not sure where.
Hey mister built a new box with lots of pretty lights and fans hooked up to some kind of screen with a keyboard. I resolve to walk on the keyboard and find a way to get inside of that thing. It has lots of things that look like snakes and would be a lot of fun to chew and pull at. I’m sure he built it for me, because, let’s be real. I’m the only thing in his life that matters. Why would he build it for himself? No, with the flashy lights I’m sure it’s a new toy for me. I heard him say that it’s very expensive, so I’m sure that I’ll enjoy tearing it apart. Someday, I’ll figure out how to get past this clear force field keeping me out. I keep pawing at it. I’m sure it’ll work someday.
Tonight, I got to try this kind of sausage. Apparently, it’s made of turkey. I resolve to figure out how to get him to buy more of that stuff. He said it was okay but odd tasting, but I thought it was delicious. Yup, he needs to buy some more of that. Tomorrow, he tells me he’ll make duck. I resolve to eat that, too. He can have the leftovers, I guess. I don’t like leftovers. But there won’t be much. Apparently it’s some kind of bird, so I’m sure I’ll eat all of it.
For my loyal readers out there, I hope you have a great new year with your true family as well, and for my most important followers, let me just say meow. If you didn’t understand that it’s okay. I mean, I’m glad you love me and the things that I write as well, but you’re just not as cool as my feline followers. And maybe you should read whatever the Hey Mister writes, too. Yes, he’s a dink, but even dinks sometimes write things that are worthwhile.
This is usually the time that they Hey Mister writes a year end summary of his blog, but he’s, like, a week ahead in these posts, so it’ll be out eventually. Ugh, he does everything the wrong way. He even makes me wait for my food until he actually opens it and puts it into a bowl. So rude. And all I can do while he’s working on that is yell at him, so he knows who the boss really is. Speaking of, I’m going to go tell him what an inferior creature he is right now. It’s a tough job to keep him in his place, but somebody has to do it.
Bleil's Banter 