A Dire Warning 1/28/23

Thoughts with Richard Bleil

These are dangerous times.  They say that those who don’t know history are bound to repeat it, and we’re in a dangerous time that this may again happen.  Yes, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day.

If this posts as anticipated, we’re about two and a half weeks out from this time of peril for many relationships.  Contrived as it may be, if it’s important to your significant other, then it should be important to you.  And for those who ended up in the doghouse a year ago for forgetting to plan ahead, consider this to be your wake up call.

Keep in mind that many restaurants are busy and need to be booked far ahead at this time of year.  And make sure it’s a restaurant that she likes, not you.  If she likes sport bars then that’s fine, but don’t take her to a sports bar simply because it’s what you like. 

And, yes, I’m assuming I’m writing this for heterosexual men.  It’s not necessarily true; it’s just easier on the proverbs.  This is equally valid for couples in same-gender relationships, and I don’t want anybody to feel left out because of the gender of proverbs that I use. 

I used to truly enjoy romantic gestures to shower upon my wife when I was married.  One year I had purchased a piece of jewelry for her, but couldn’t pick it up until the actual Valentine’s day.  I knew she wouldn’t believe that I had forgotten, so I needed a “diversionary” gift.  Just a little something to think that she did receive my Valentine’s Day gift until I could pick up the real one.  I found a scalp massager that looked like a wire octopus, with a short handles and eight or so wire protrusions.  I had it by her bed for when she woke up, along with a card.  As it turns out, that was her favorite gift that year. 

If you only show your significant others romantic gestures and gifts on Valentine’s day and other holidays (birthday, Christmas and such) then shame on you.  That’s not how to keep a relationship healthy and strong.  I used to write my wife love letters with a greater frequency than once a week (about two every three weeks).  Sometimes I would draw her a hot bubble bath and bathe her.  I gave her full body massages and jewelry for no particular reason and without expectations.  So, on holidays like Valentine’s Day. I had to step it up even further.  I had to start thinking and planning ahead.  Which is the purpose of this post so far ahead. 

Love is a rare thing.  Far too many people confuse love with lust, which is why, I believe, so many people stray from their wedding vows.  The flames of passion cannot last.  Love, on the other hand, is gentle, and warm, and within that love the flames of passion ebb and tide.  There are ways to bring the passion back, but there are times when the sunlight hits her face just the right way, or something inside of her reminds you of your passion, those flames return.  But if she leaves because you’ve been emotionally negligent of her needs and who she is, then that passion becomes irrelevant as there is no outlet for it. 

Valentine’s day is just a reminder of how we should be treating about our significant other.  Familiarity makes it all to easy to forget how important she is, or how she deserves to be treated.  And these Valentine gifts don’t have to be expensive.  Doing something nice and unexpected can be just as nice, or even nicer than purchased gifts.  If you don’t usually do the cooking or the dishes, make her a nice romantic meal and clean up when it’s over.  Or give her a massage, and say “happy Valentine’s Day” in the process. 

Take some time to think back to when you first were dating.  Think of what you would do to win her over.  If you remember your first date, take her there.  Remember what it was that first attracted you to her.  Try gazing into her eyes.  This alone has been demonstrated to stir passion in a couple.  Whatever you do, make it a surprise for her, and be sure to give a lot of thought into the type of surprise that she would enjoy the most.  If your relationship is struggling, remember that you do still have a relationship to build on.  You got this.  Just put her needs and desires ahead of your own.


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