Server 3/18/23

News with Richard Bleil

Running six windows with quantum calculations, I was only using about a quarter of my CPU capacity (and a fraction of the memory) on my massive computer “Shelley”.  But my screen was full, so I didn’t want to start anymore.  Then I realized, what I really need is a second monitor. 

I still had a significant credit in the electronics store.  Next to the store is a restaurant that has the absolute best burgundy mushrooms I’ve ever tasted.  Every time I go to this electronics store, I love stopping by the restaurant.

This time, I ended up with a water that was, well, let’s say that he was into me.  Maybe he was flirting for a better tip, as I’ve seen that many times before, but for me, he was the wrong gender.  As usual, I was eating alone, and he was very chatty.  At times, I was concerned that he was ignoring his other customers. 

After finishing my meal, he became quite nervous and tongue-tied.  “Do, um, do you want, is there anything else I can, um, bring you?”  I kind of felt bad, actually, and the way he stammered, I felt like maybe he was asking for my phone number.  As I left, he asked me my name, and suggested he’ll see me again and I should stop in more often.

Yes, it could have been flirting, but it felt like more.  And it’s not the first time it happened, although it’s been many years.  Having supper in a restaurant with Tina in the ‘80’s, we had a waiter that seemed very into me as well.  She, at one point, suggested that I give him my phone number.  It’s a little disturbing when you have to explain to your own date that you’re not homosexual.

The reality is that this time, as back then, I didn’t feel intimidated or nervous.  I never felt intimidated at all, and although I wasn’t interested in him, I took it as a compliment that another human being found me attractive.  He was not pushy about it, so I felt safe even though I’m not homosexual.

To be fair, I understand women feeling intimidated by men finding them attractive.  Men often don’t know how to take “no” gracefully and tend to get entirely too aggressive.  For a man to find me attractive is very different from men who find a woman attractive, and I understand this.  But the reality is that I am weeks from my sixtieth birthday, and it has been so very disappointingly long since anybody, man or woman, how shown any interest in me at all. 

Many years ago, my friend Linda told me that I would be incredibly popular if I were homosexual.  I responded, saying that it seems wrong to change my sexual orientation just to find a date.  It was nice to get this unexpected reminder that I am, after all, still an actual sexual being. 

Too many people are far too uptight about anybody different than they are.  I’m not attracted to men, but I have no problem with men who are, even if they are attracted to me.  And yet, I couldn’t help but wonder why.  He told me he had just graduated with his bachelor’s degree in psychology, which puts him in his early to mid-twenties, and here I am, sixty for all intents and purposes.  Why would anybody his age be interested in me at all?  Oh, I get it.  It’s because I carry a periodic chart in my wallet.

In a world where our society seems to be moving towards increasing homophobia, here I was drawing the attention of a young handsome man.  I find it humorous and hypocritical that those who are so against the “abomination” of homosexuality would probably be all about two women being together. 

There’s no explaining attraction.  Neither is there cause to fear it so long as the person feeling the attraction can take “no” for an answer.  This young man was clearly nervous and quite polite, and it felt good to have drawn attention of another person.  Although I don’t feel the same, I will always stand with my brothers and sisters facing oppression.  I have friends who are trans, cross-dressers, homosexual, bisexual and just about any other classification you can imagine.  It seems as if those that I know who fall into these categories are more open, accepting, and kind that those who are “normal”.  I’m not interested in being in a relationship with them, but I do love them so very much.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.