I was hurting, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and I was trying to heal my pain.
Without a partner, I find myself stuck, filled with desire, but no ambition. Able to move no more than a dinosaur trapped in a tar pit.
The truth is that I don’t want to disappoint them. If I let them down, I feel terrible. But, at the same time, I’ve let myself down, have done so for nearly the entire summer now, and continue to do say nearly every day. But the question becomes, why is it so much easier for me to disappoint myself, than it is my friends?
we are not empowering enough to children, and certainly not to females in our society. We train them to be silent, good little girls who play with dolls and wear pretty things, but rarely do we tell them how important they are, how much they have to contribute, and how capable they really are.
For what it’s worth, I do go over past events in my mind, usually at night. I often call these my “demons”, and I’ve lost significant amounts of sleep time wrestling with them.
That made me the perfect target for bullies and anybody looking to prove how big and tough they were.
Everybody today knows the usual alcohol warnings; don't drink and drive, for women, don't drink anything that doesn't come directly from the bartender and so forth. But it's far less common for people to have really had alcohol poisoning explained to them.
Tonight, I won’t be in bed alone. It’ll be overcrowded with demons from my failure as a dean, from my failure as the director of a forensic lab, and even as a failure as an adjunct professor.
I opened it to the bookmarked page, but what struck me wasn’t what was on the page, but rather, the bookmark itself.
I lean towards some of the cinematic classics, such as “Monsturd”, the heartwarming story of an eight-foot-tall piece of fecal matter that comes alive and starts to kill people. My friends will often tease me about my choices in movies, and rightly so.