Dates 6/22/22

Had a date with an undertaker. I asked what her perfume was. She said formaldehyde. And, yes, as a chemist I do know what formaldehyde is.

Famous 5/6/22

“Well,” he said in a serious voice, “I think you should get out of bed, come upstairs, and have some sponge cake with General Michael Miltstein of the Soviet Union.”

Boycott 4/24/22

write your political representatives demanding new legislature to boycott skeet shooting. This horrible and inhumane sport must come to an end.

Fool 4/1/22

the Three Stooges? How are those movies funny? Because they’re hurting each other? If I want to see a grown man slap another, I’ll watch the Oscars.

Words 3/31/22

In the modern age, we have modern situations that, frankly, I think we need new words to describe. For example, when you’re driving a safe distance behind somebody, and the person behind you passes only to slip into your safety zone.

Not My Fault 3/22/22

When the hooman opened the door, the tiny fluffball kitten walked past him and Bella and declared the home his. Yep, that’s how a cat adopts you.

Titles 1/22/22

yes, I am the Saint of S&M in the church. Science and Mathematics. Why? What were YOU thinking?

Star’s Review 1/11/22

Yes, indeed, he took me out of that stinky place with all of the filthy canines but if I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t have. I just let him take me here so I could check out his house to see if it’s sufficient to fit my needs. Close call.

Picric Acid 1/2/22

I picked it up, and when I realized what it was, I quickly set it back down. Then, I immediately picked it up again so I could set it down more gently.

Old Teaching Injury 12/29/21

I can honestly look at somebody nowadays, and say, “oh, it’s an old teaching injury”. I mean, seriously, how many people can say that?