I would love to be open, to have a wife or even a partner, but I don’t know how I would be able to handle being with somebody who actually loves and cares about me.
We’re alone and lonely, and just trying to get along as best we can without making everybody around us miserable. As my usual reminder, invite us, but don’t try to force us. It’s really important to know that people have not forgotten about us, but it is also up to us as to how we will handle this most dark and difficult time of year.
If I had a family, it would be a very different affair altogether. (It would be a very different affair. Sorry, paraphrasing a movie joke there.) For example, I think I would leave the tree down until after Thanksgiving dinner. I could see that as a fun family activity (replacing the early Black Friday nonsense). After a bit of time to let the dinner settle, put up the tree and begin decorating it as a family as a tradition and way for the family to interact.
Right now, the biggest problem with the road I’m on is that I am having a difficult time transitioning from the road I had been traveling. I took some wrong turns, and that smoothly paved freeway turned into gravel. But the thing is, even gravel roads are fun.
It was a dream of teaching, and while I used to dream about it, they have turned into nightmares. I’ve suffered a lot of loss in my life, but I think that this loss has hit me as hard as anything else.
When I am feeling this far down, my thoughts often go to very dark places. Of late, I’ve been thinking about the times I’ve been betrayed.
As adults, we do a lot of things that are unnatural for toddlers and children. We sit for extended periods of time and speak softly. Children, on the other hand, need to run, jump and play to develop their muscles, and scream to develop their lungs.
The truth about depression is that it doesn’t require a trigger, and can hit at any time for any reason, or for no reason at all.
One of the issues with depression is that there is often no rhyme or reason. One day you’re on top of the world, and the next you’re in the deepest depths of despair. Today I’m down. I’m very down.
By vowing (to nobody but myself) to be open and honest about my depression and struggles, I honestly hoped that it could, in some way, be of comfort to others.