Tonight, I won’t be in bed alone. It’ll be overcrowded with demons from my failure as a dean, from my failure as the director of a forensic lab, and even as a failure as an adjunct professor.
In my deepest funk, in my loneliest hours, I know you all are with me in spirit, and never have I lost you in my heart. I know you literally saved my life, and I know we can pick it back up at any time.
Leave it to humans to covet the defensive mechanism of animals, such as the tusk of elephants, the blubber of whales or the shells of great sea turtles. Learning to hunt and kill from a distance, we’ve hunted all three animals nearly to extinction
I would love to be open, to have a wife or even a partner, but I don’t know how I would be able to handle being with somebody who actually loves and cares about me.
If I had a family, it would be a very different affair altogether. (It would be a very different affair. Sorry, paraphrasing a movie joke there.) For example, I think I would leave the tree down until after Thanksgiving dinner. I could see that as a fun family activity (replacing the early Black Friday nonsense). After a bit of time to let the dinner settle, put up the tree and begin decorating it as a family as a tradition and way for the family to interact.
Not long ago, taking a shower, my towel fell off of the half-wall where I usually put it so I can access it when I’m done. It had fallen behind the wall, and as I was reaching to retrieve it, my “no-slip” mat slipped, sending me down. The fall was not injurious, but it was bad and could have easily resulted in far more harm than it did. I laid there for maybe ten minutes before recovering sufficiently to slowly try to get up again.
I enjoyed periodically catching a whiff of the perfume as I came home, or woke up, or just happened to notice it when I was in the living room (perhaps the air kicked on causing a temporary boost in the airborne concentration). It might sound desperate, but in a way, I kind of felt like maybe I was not living alone after all.
I’m not feeling nearly as depressed as this is sounding. I’m not going to say I feel happy by any stretch of the imagination, but neither am I particularly depressed. The interesting thing to me is the feeling of acceptance
The flavor in our lives come from others.
Tomorrow’s post will be something about Valentine’s Day and love and all of that…stuff, I guess, and I hope you’ll forgive me for this one. Valentine’s Day is just tough on single people, like the display toilets in a home improvement store is to a man with diarrhea.