Thoughts by Richard Bleil
Okay, so the joke is as old as Valentine’s Day. Or Venereal Disease. Whichever came second. So, I won’t repeat it. But when people see VD, why is it always Venereal Disease? Why are there no jokes about Valentine’s Day and Victory Day? Like, if you remember to do something special, VD might be your Victory Day. Something like that.
With that bit of oddity behind us, yes, today is Valentine’s Day. It’s the day after Superbowl Sunday as well, so we’re very upset because the Bengals lost again. Or we’re very happy because Cincinnati is the Superbowl Champion. Depending on what happened yesterday. That’s the problem with writing a week in advance.
But I can write about romance pretty much any time. I am a very kinky man in the bedroom, as I’ve written about in the past, but the reality is that I have a romantic streak wider than the Suez Canal however wide that is. Lately, it seems like the only love I get is from my cat Star who is laying on my arm even as I type this. She’s upset with me, though, because she wants to be on my lap where the computer is. Oh, well, I guess you can’t satisfy everyone.
But I’m really not sure how I feel about Valentine’s Day, if I can be honest with you which is the point of my blog. See, I don’t’ understand why we need a day to remind people to do something special for that special person in our life. I know far too many people who are ignored or even mistreated by their partners, as frankly I was myself. As for me, I enjoyed trying to treat her like every day is Valentine’s Day. Of course, that’s not to say that I succeeded.
A therapist once explained to me that being in a relationship is like two balls in a small box. Sometimes you drift apart, and at other times you might collide with each other. Passion just doesn’t last, which is why so many snap marriages (as mine was) fail. The flames die down, and suddenly you find yourself married to a person you hardly know. But in a relationship with more history, with underlying friendship and fun, when the passion ebbs there is still a foundation, but what ebbs also flows. Given time, and the passion can return, especially if the desire is there. It’s not hard to mix things up in the bedroom, with new kinks the couple hasn’t tried yet, renewed efforts at romance, heck, sometimes it can be something as simple as the way she’s sitting on the couch one day that inflames the dormant passions.
It doesn’t always return, though. I have too many friends where their partner has started spending their sexual energy in affairs, leaving nothing for their spouse. This betrayal is hard to bounce back from, because it destroys trust, which is a critical supporting part of any good relationship foundation. Honestly, I don’t understand how infidelity can be forgiven, because it’s basically telling the spouse that they will be taken back when it happens again. And again. And again.
But I’m also being hypocritical here. When my own wife had her affair with a registered child sex offender who was unemployed and had chemical addictions (not that I know exactly who he is or where he lives by looking at it on the registered sex offender website), I wanted to try to save the marriage with counseling. Some things are worth fighting for, but, frankly, I’m glad she didn’t. When she asked me for a divorce, I realized that I was in the marriage alone, and that doesn’t work.
Wow, for a Valentine’s Day post, this sure had taken a dark turn. But I guess if there’s a point it would simply be to keep the faith. My wife gave up on us, but if we had remained together, our relationship would have again bounced back, of that I’m certain. I have a friend who was, at least for a time, a “dominant”. She had her submissives all of whom were online. These were done via texting (of the time). She never met them in person, but they would do things, while explaining them to her, and follow her orders, and when I say “do things”, I mean things as simple as explaining that they’re hanging up their coats, and folding their clothes. One of them started talking with her about how his marriage was struggling. She saved it, frankly, simply by getting him to shift his focus. When he’s asked to wash the dishes, don’t think of it as his wife wants him to do the dishes, but his master orders him to do the chore of dishes. It’s the same task, but in his mind, it took on a new kink, and became foreplay.
So, here we are, Valentine’s Day once again. And despite how upset or happy we are about the Superbowl, maybe, just maybe, it’s a time of renewal. A shift of mindset can recreate that passion, as can talking about secret fantasies, and simple acts of kindness. For crying out loud, just put a new roll of toilet paper in the holder. And enjoy your newly renewed love.