Opinion by Richard Bleil
A friend of mine (yes, I have a friend) posted a question on social media asking everybody what their favorite non-sexual thing about sex is.
I think it’s safe to say that most people do enjoy the sex part of sex. When it comes to actual sex, I know that I’m kind of enigmatic. I certainly do have a kinky side as my readers may already know about me, but I also am a hopeless romantic, and I am very flexible and happily bend to the desires of my lover, although it’s been so long that I’m not sure I remember who is supposed to be tied to the bed.
Personally, though, the actual act of sex is probably my third favorite part. I’m not sure that most men would agree with me, based on the conversations I’ve had, but to be fair when guys talk about sex it’s almost always a bragging session. They tend to over exaggerate their “performance”, and leave off anything that’s not manly, namely the “romantic stuff”. I absolutely love the romantic stuff, and what’s more, I’m not afraid to admit it. Lllladies…
For me, the favorite part is the cuddling in the afterglow. I like nurturing her and taking care of her. I like talking with her, reminiscing, asking her what her name is, telling stories, and just being together. Okay, I had to throw that snarky joke in there, but seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to a woman than as we are coming down from sex. The closeness is more than two bodies holding each other close; it’s an openness, an intimacy, a chance to really be one with her mind, body and soul. It’s absolutely beautiful.
I think my second favorite part of sex is the foreplay. This is often a burden shouldered by women in a relationship, but I love it. I love talking about sex with her, kissing her, touching, the sensuality of it.
One time a woman asked me (in the presence of her female friend no less) if I enjoy performing cunnilingus. I told her the truth; I don’t particularly like the act of it, but I love to see what responses I can illicit from my lover as I do. Men, if you are not willing to do this, then let me urge you to start. I do know men who absolutely love doing it, but I suspect that is the exception rather than the rule. I’ve always thought of it as a gift. I don’t do it for me, I do it for her. It’s a pure gift solely for her pleasure. Personally, I like experimenting, exploring, trying different techniques and variations and I certainly do like it when she gives feedback and guidance. And, yes, ladies, I CAN rrrrrollll my “Rrrrrr’s”. I have different “equipment”, so it’s a new world for me. I don’t necessarily know what I’m doing, but I’m willing and longing to learn for her. As a scientist, I’m an experimenter, so if there IS no guidance, it’s lab time, and if she doesn’t tell me, I can only judge each new variation by her non-verbal responses, and what beautiful responses they are.
Women, just a quick side note for you here. Yours is beautiful and perfect. It’s not weird or somehow different, it doesn’t smell bad, it doesn’t taste bad, there is nothing wrong with it. I know that it’s often difficult to do, but when a man is there, let go of your insecurities and inhibitions. Bask in the moment and just enjoy.
What I do NOT like about sex is when it is used as a weapon. Sex should never be used against another. Men have a habit of using sex for “bragging rights” and as a way to ruin the reputation of their lover. This is just pathetic. If a woman is willing to share the intimate and highly personal experience of sex with a man, it shows excessively small character to turn it into a tawdry affair to besmirch her. Frankly, I dislike living in a society where the same act that elevates a man’s reputation tends to diminish a woman’s in the first place. Earlier I wrote about nurturing and taking care of your lover in the afterglow of love, but frankly this should extend well beyond the time it takes to fall asleep once it’s over. I believe that women want to know that sex is more than just sex. Even if it’s not a relationship, she’ll want to know that you have respect for her, and that she’s safe with you knowing her intimately. Keep her secrets secret, and if anybody speaks poorly about it, stand up for her. Make sure that if you cross each other on the street she’ll smile as you pass.