Megan 2/28/22

Memories with Richard Bleil

As I recall, I may have written about Megan some time ago.  It’s not really a surprise.  I’ve been blogging every day for three years now, and after roughly a thousand posts, some of the topics will repeat.  But it’s fair.  They’re always written from scratch, and my mind is in different places every time so even if the topic is the same, my spin should always be different. 

Megan has been on my mind heavily of late.  She was gorgeous.  I’m not sure if by societal standards she was so attractive, but in my eyes, she was absolutely stunning.  What’s more, she was very sweet.  She was kind to me every time we spoke.  We were never the friends I would have liked to be, but our paths would cross periodically as we were both at my undergraduate college.  I was completely smitten with her, and even asked her to marry me.  Of course, she didn’t take the question seriously, especially when I took to repeating it every time we spoke. 

Eventually we graduated, her a year ahead of me making my senior year just that much darker.  My grades as an undergraduate were far from impressive, but as a chemistry major, I was in a field of great demand.   My grades weren’t good enough to be accepted directly into graduate school, but I found a local analytical chemistry company and worked in industry for a couple of years while continuing to take graduate classes at my college to prove I could handle graduate school. 

Then it happened.  One day, while on campus, I saw an acquaintance of mine, and as it turns out a mutual friend with Megan.  She was in a rush, and clearly upset about something.  I asked her what was wrong.  She didn’t stay long, but we spoke just long enough to tell me that Megan had died.

It was unexpected.  Apparently, she had gone on a ski trip and broke her leg.  The reset the bones, put on a cast and healed apparently without issue.  Unfortunately, they missed a piece of bone marrow that had broken free and was in her blood stream.  When it reached her heart, her beautiful heart simply stopped. 

I wish I never knew that this had happened.  I wish that, in my heart, in my mind, and in my world, she was still here, somewhere, making Earth just a little bit brighter with her presence and sunny disposition.  But alas, she is gone. 

If there is a point to this post, it must be to say that none of us know how long we have.  Megan, in her all-too-brief time with us touched me very deeply, as I’m sure she did many other people, but she was so young when she unexpectedly passed.  How much was left unsaid to her?  How many of us wish we could have just ten more minutes with her to tell her the impact that she had made on us?  What would we say if we had that time?

Ironically, on the day this is scheduled to post is an anniversary for me.  One of dubious honor.  Ten years ago today, I myself died.  My heart was stopped on an operating table as I underwent a triple-bypass surgery.  Honestly, I’m not sure if technically I was dead or not as machines kept blood flowing to my blood, but my heart was stopped, so technically I guess I was actually dead.  Unlike Megan, I was fortunate enough to have woken up again, but who knows what could have gone wrong. 

What if it had been my final breath?  What if I had not returned?  How would the world have been different in my absence?  Nothing major would have happened.  Russia would still have invaded the Ukraine.  But I know I have friends who really do love me, and for them this world would be darker.  Some of my friends who did not know me before my heart attack would never have missed me, and yet, any influence I’ve had on their lives would not have happened.  Would it matter?  Did Megan matter?

She mattered to me.

Love is a delicate thing.  We have people who we love, and people who love us.  Take a moment to let them know.  It’s not Valentine’s Day, it’s probably not their birthday, but let them know.  Tell them how you feel about them.  For the love of God, tell them that you love them.  Tomorrow something as small as a fragment of bone marrow may take them from you.  Forever.

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